Thursday, February 21, 2008

Hall(aday) of Names: Not A Long Time

(As always, a hat-tip to Mick Doherty.)

One look at the roster and you'll understand the concept of this team. Roger Clemens and Raul Mondesi don't qualify, which is super. Most of these players posted mediocre seasons, which makes sense--if they were any good, they'd probably stick around for a second year.

Special consideration is given to those players who had an impact on the Blue Jays beyond one year, either in trades (yeah, Ted Lilly was okay), useless milestones (but Jeff Frye still wasn't good enough), or amusing terminology (Mr. Michalak, the floor is yours). However, a player's non-Toronto career is generally not considered, so Jeff Kent is simply an average rookie instead of a guy with 365 homers.

Guys like Jesse Litsch aren't eligible for obvious reasons, but Victor Zambrano and Tomo Ohka are. Not that they made the team anyway.

It doesn't matter if it's a rainy city, because there's a retractable roof over the head of the...

GOOD TIMERS

Manager: Tim Johnson (of course)

LINEUP
RF Ron Fairly '77
1B David Segui '98
CF Bobby Kielty '03
LF Jose Canseco '98
DH Dave Winfield '92
2B Pat Kelly '99
C Bengie Molina '06
3B Corey Koskie '05
SS Chris Gomez '04

BENCH
C Todd Greene '00
IF Mike Stanley '98
IF Jeff Kent '92
OF Dave Martinez '00
OF Rickey Henderson '93

ROTATION
SP Tim Candiotti '91
SP Frank Castillo '00
SP Chris Michalak '01
SP Corey Lidle '03
SP Tom Filer '85

BULLPEN
RP Randy Myers '98
RP Trever Miller '03
RP Victor Cruz '78
RP Randy Moffitt '83
RP Omar Daal '97
RP Edwin Hurtado '95

Note: I found these players by manual search because it's more fun, and because I was rewarded after that Frye-Michalak-Latham-Cordova rut with the greatness of Dave Martinez.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Top Ten Paul Godfrey Excuses

10. "Not enough fans were standing for God Bless America."

9. "In order for Toronto to forget all this, I just need to say 'Buffalo Bills two home games' three times in a row in front of a mirror."

8. "It will be nice to have people cheering for something other than the chili race."

7. "Ryan Greer has this fetish that concerns flying pizza...I felt it was best not to question him further."

6. "Listen, pal, they don't give the Order of Canada to just anyone."

5. "Figured I would bring in some fans who know what a championship team looks like."

4. "Don't believe everything you read in the Sun."

3. "We've increased our attendance five years in a row. What, did you think it was because of 'Beginning/Middle/Ryan'?"

2. "Now we get to play New York, New York again and piss off another fan base in the process."

1. "Three hours spent here, with the overbearingly loud in-game advertisements, lame contests, break-dancers on the dugout, horribly overpriced food, and all the constant interruptions we inflict on our paying fans, will drive away anyone who expected to enjoy a baseball game."